Vulgar Language
by Piper Emerald
Summary: Light is certain that it's impossible for L to speak informally. L proves him wrong and refuses to stop. (I own nothing.) "I do swear," L told Light. "Yeah right," Light laughed, but then noticed the completely serious expression on the L's face. "In the past few months of working with you I have not heard you utter a single vulgar remark." "F***." (Rated T for swearing...duh.)


**There is now an audio book for this fanfiction under RainbowEmoji Cosplay. Please check my profile for the link if you want to read along!**

* * *

"Is it physically impossible for you to talk like a normal person?" Light heard himself ask.

The question had not been premeditated or voiced out of annoyance. L's perfectly formulated sentences were something that Light had picked up on the first conversation that he had with the man. This detail wasn't something that particularly bothered Light, but, although he wouldn't admit it, he was in the mood to complain about something and he knew he had already exhausted the topic of L's diet and sleep habits.

"I am not sure what you are insinuating, Light," L glanced up from the report he had been reading over to answer.

" _That_ is what I mean," Light informed him. "Normal people don't use essay worthy vocabulary words in everyday conversation."

"Are you asking me to dumb down my language?" L's wide eyes narrow only slightly at the thought.

"No," Light told him truthfully. "But would it kill you to speak informally for once?"

"Informally…?"

Light had half expected L to flatly tell him that yes, it would kill him to lower his speech to the level of regular people (or even the rest of the task force). Light then imagined L going on to say that only Kira would ask if this was a means to kill him, therefore raising Light's Kira percentage. To Light's surprise L seemed to have little to no idea as to what he meant.

"I don't know," Light fumbled for an example. "Use slang or swear."

"I do swear," L stated.

"Yeah right," Light laughed, but then noticed the completely serious expression on L's face. "In the past few months of working with you I have not heard you utter a single vulgar remark."

"Fuck."

"You can't just say it, you have to have a reason and context," Light told him.

"Fuck off," L amended.

"Never mind," Light repressed the urge to roll his eyes.

L fell back in his chair so that he was now facing the ceiling. Not surprisingly he was able to keep his knees at his chest as he did so and now reminded Light of a child who had not realized that chairs were not for laying down on.

"Fuckity-fuckity-fuck," L said in a cheerful voice.

"You made your point, you can shut up now," Light muttered.

"Fuck you, Light," L countered.

"Okay, you've said it enough," Light felt annoyance starting to rise within him.

"Light, there you are!" He heard a high voice exclaim from the direction of the entrance of the room.

"Misa, you and Light should go fuck," L said to her, sitting up slightly to catch her reaction.

"Okay!" Misa exclaimed, then seemed to realized who had said that to her. "Wait, what?"

"He's trying to prove that he knows how to swear," Light clarified in a voice that he hoped expressed his irritation.

"Light, shut the fuck up," L replied.

"What have I started?" Light groaned.

* * *

L's attachment to the curse word did not stop when the rest of the task force arrived. Light made no effort to mask his irritation, and couldn't help feeling even more annoyed at the lack of reaction that L was receiving from the all of others. Well, all of the others aside from Matsuda.

"It's a lot more intimidating if he tells me to f off than calls me an idiot." Matsuda explained this in a hushed voice after Light had asked about why he seemed so uncomfortable.

"Are you seriously offended?" Light asked. "He's grinning like a third-grader who just learned the word."

"Matsuda, fuck off," L beamed, proving both points at once.

"See," Matsuda said to Light with a look of exasperation.

"Light get the fuck back to work," L added.

"Fine," Light said bitterly.

"I think it's funny," Misa commented. She had refused to leave the room in the interest of seeing how long L's swearing streak lasted.

"You only think that because he told you and Light to go f at least five times." Matsuda made sure to censor _his_ language.

"Yup!" Misa replied. "I wish he was always like this."

Misa directed her gaze to the detective, who had chosen this exact moment to test if the spinning function on his swivel chair was sufficient.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" L nearly sang as he spun in his chair.

"You are alone in that wish," Light told Misa.

* * *

"Okay, you win!" Light shouted, hoping him admitting defeat had been L's goal. "You can use vulgar language if you want to!"

"I know," L said blandly. "I won when I said the first fucking word."

"That's a double meaning, because he's using the word 'fucking' but he's also talking about the word." Misa explained to Matsuda in a stage whisper.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Light snapped at her.

"Sorry…" Misa's line of sight met the floor.

"Light, you can be a fucking killjoy sometimes," L observed.

"I wasn't aware," Light muttered.

"About sixty-fucking-three percent of the fucking time, to be fucking exact."

"If you say that word one more time I swear to God I'm going to kill you?" Light screamed.

"Is that a confession, Kira?" L asked calmly.

"No!" Light clenched his teeth.

"Fuck."

"Ugh!"

* * *

"It's getting late," Light stated.

The rest of the task force had left over an hour ago, and, after the high-stress day, Light was looking forward to getting some sleep. However, being handcuffed to a certain high-stress causing detective greatly decreased the amount of hours Light knew he would get.

"I am aware of the fucking time," L's eyes didn't leave his computer.

"I'm tired," Light made his hint clearer.

"I'm still working," L responded.

"What was that?" Light asked with a smirk.

"Fuck."

"I want to sleep." Light stood up from his chair. "Now."

"There is no need to bite my fucking head off," L muttered, but complied.

"I'm too tried to think up a witty response to that."

They went through their nightly routine without much talking. Light was thankful for the silence, it meant that he didn't need to listen to L's stubborn swearing.

"Will you still be over using that word tomorrow?" Light asked once they were in bed.

"Does it fucking matter?" L asked back.

"You're being irritating," Light informed him.

"Apparently the way I speak is always fucking irritating," L huffed. "You were the one who told me to talk like a normal fucking person."

L sounded like he was pouting, but Light brushed that idea away. L wasn't capable of genuinely acting like that right? It was more likely that he was still trying to annoy Light.

"You're not actually upset about that, are you?"

"Do you honestly give a fuck?" L asked hostilely.

"No," Light lied.

"Then fuck off," L snapped.

Light realized that he had some how crossed a line.

"I was complaining about nothing, you can talk however you want." Light tried to make his tone dismissive while still portraying some regret.

"You are fucking right," L replied smugly.

"Would you stop if I said that I was offended?" Light tried.

"Not fucking likely," was L's response.

"So you expect me to care if you're offended, while you don't care if I am?" Light argued.

"Fuck."

"That's not an answer," Light pressed.

"Fuck."

"Is that seriously all you're going to say?" Light heard the exasperation in his own voice.

"Fuck."

"Ryuzaki—"

"Fuck."

"Fuck _you_!" Light exclaimed, sitting up to glare at L. "I have had it with that word and with trying to get through to you! I am sorry if I offended you earlier, and I understand that you are perfectly capable of swearing if you want to. I already told you that you won! I surrender, okay. I fucking give up!"

L stared at Light.

"Goodnight, Light." L's face broke into a smile as he rolled over to face away from Light.

"That's it?" Light was dumbfounded.

"Yes," L said shortly.

"Was it something I said?" Light wondered

"Yes."

"Are you going to tell me?" Light asked skeptically.

"No."

"Okay," Light sighed and laid back down.

"Okay," L mimicked.

"You're annoying," Light's tone held no malice as he said this.

"Fuck you."

"Did you seriously just—"

"I'm only messing with you," L quickly said. "Go to sleep Light-kun."

Light rolled his eyes before closing them.

* * *

 **This idea was conceived after having a conversation with Corliss Kat about swearing too much.**

 **Please review!**


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